Never Before 2
by Zierra
Summary: Squall and Seifer is celebrating their anniversary in Esthar, but Zells memory is haunting their minds. And maybe not just the memory... PLEASE REVIEW! *Completed*
1. Chapter 1

Author: Zierra

Title: Never Before 2 (the sequel)

Starring: Squall, Seifer and special guest star: Zell

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Look elsewhere, there's nothing to collect here!

Story: Squall and Seifer is celebrating their two years anniversary in Esthar, but it doesn't go as well as they'd thought with Zell's memory haunting their minds. And maybe it's more that just the memory…

A/N: This story is dedication to my beloved boyfriend Daniel. He has sort of inspired me at times, and if he reads it really careful, he may recognise certain dialogs… 

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Oh, and one thing before you start to read. If the weather in Esthar is not what you have expected, I apologize, it has to do with another story I have… Hope it won't ruin the story for you!

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Two years later

" Come one, Squall! We're gonna miss the train! What are you doing in there?" 

Squall glared at the bathroom door from the inside, trying to force his irritation trough it, so Seifer could feel it. He didn't like to be rushed.

" Nothing!"

" Why does it have to take such a fucking time!?"

" Oh, shut up!" Squall said, opening the door. " I've been finished with it for a while now."

Eyes rolling, Seifer took Squall by the arm.

" Now get you cute ass in the car, I'm gonna lock up!"

" Let me go, Seifer, I can walk on my own!"  
" Maybe, but it takes you forever to do it!"  
" Listen, you…!"  
Seifer silenced him with a kiss.

" Now baby please, get. In. The damn. Car!"

" Alright!"

Turing from Seifer, Squall smiled walking as slowly as he could without standing still. He could hear the taller man sigh and walking back to the door. Squall had just recently found out how fun it was teasing Seifer. The man had absolutely no temper. And not much of a clue either.

" And that's why I love you."

" You better be talking to me, or I'll kick your ass, puberty-boy." Seifer hugged Squall from behind kissing him lightly on the neck  
" Bite me."  
" Really?!"

" No."  
" …"  
" Ouch! Damn it, Seifer!"

The train to Esthar was already standing at the station when Seifer and Squall arrived. 

" A few more seconds in that bathroom, and we'd be running to Esthar!"  
Squall sighed. The downside to having a boyfriend was the constant whining, and not being able to speak his mind. But he figured that the message would be lost on Seifer anyway.

Squall looked over on his side, looking affectionately at the sleeping Seifer. As soon as they'd found their seats, Seifer had fallen asleep. Half his face pressed to the window.

´As long as he's not drooling`, Squall thought, leaning back into his seat.

He and Seifer had been together for two years now, without any serious interventions. Sure, they fought, they were ex-enemies after all, disagreeing on everything just for the sake of it. But they always made up. It seemed like they just couldn't let go of each other, no matter how tough the ride was.

Two years. It was a damn long time. 24 months, 104 weeks, 730 days. Two years with Seifer. Two years without Zell.

Something stung somewhere inside Squall, and he would spend his birthday with two pregnant t-rexuars if it wasn't his heart aching.

He and Seifer had barely talked about Squalls dead ex boyfriend, but everything they fought about seemed to go back to the mention of his name. Squall had said to Seifer when they got together that he would be forced to accept his feelings for Zell, but it seemed to be the constant thorn in his side. Squall was incapable of forgetting about Zell. He'd learned how to love, but not to let go.

He knew he had to move on completely some day, it wouldn't be fair to Seifer otherwise. And with that in thought, he drifted of to sleep.

Esthar was as beautiful as he remembered it. They were there to celebrate their second anniversary, the place where they had gotten together. Seifer looked back at Squall, who was still partly in dream land. Hair messy and his eyes dazed with sleep.

" Hey Sweet-thing! You coming or not?"

" Please, Seifer. Don't call me so many silly things. I have a name and it's not like you can't pronounce it."  
Seifer smiled. It was amazing how much Squall had opened up to him. Shown him sides he'd never seen before. Shown him more of the real Squall. Their two years together had been almost like a dream, and Seifer considered himself damn lucky. 

They stayed at the same hotel as last time, Selphies aunt greeting them in the lobby.

" So you're back now! I've gone here waiting. I'd forgotten what day it was you two… well, I guess you want your room now."  
Selphies family was all the same.

When they finally were alone, Seifer moved up to Squall, kissing him tenderly down his face. Eyes closed, lips parted, breathing deep and hoarse, Squall was the sexiest thing Seifer had ever seen.

" Hyne, Squall. Do you have any idea what I'd like to do to you?"

" I have a pretty good idea", he breathed, pressing backward against Seifer. There was an immense amount of friction, and Seifer couldn't stop the moan.

" Just what I guessed", Squall teased, moving away from him, leaving Seifer with his imagination.

" What's the matter?" Seifer asked, his voice slightly broken.

" Nothing. I've just been thinking.

" About?"

" Life… Death… Like you said. I went here to deal, so I am. Every time I'm here."

" You mean, you think about Zell, every time we come here? Even though it's supposed to be about us?"  
" That's not what I meant, Seifer."  
" Then why did you say it?" He could feel that jealous flame start burning in his guts. It almost felt like cramps.

" It was the only way I could explain it. Please Seifer, don't start now!"

" I haven't started anything. You did. I thought you'd gone passed that!"  
" It's not as easy as you might think! My feelings for him ran deep…"  
" Oh please! I don't need to hear this right now, I came here to spend time with my boyfriend, to celebrate. And he wishes he was here with someone else."  
" Seifer… I'm sorry, but I can't do what you're asking. I told you it was gonna take time, and for me, maybe two years isn't enough."  
" It's enough for me. And I'm beginning to wonder if you're really trying to forget. Sometimes it seems like you'd rather have him there than me. I might not be the boyfriend that he was, but I'm fucking trying!"  
Squall took a few steps towards Seifer who's eyes revealed his entire soul. His green eyes couldn't hold back the tears and he his lower lip was trembling, even though he tried to keep it still.

" Seifer…."  
" I have to go for a walk. Alone."  
" Ok…"  
Walking to the door, Seifer stopped, hand on the handle.

" You know what bothers me the most?" he said without turning around. " The fact that you didn't even try to deny that you wished you were here with someone else." And with that, he hastily disappeared through the door.

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My, my… isn't Squall in deep shit now? And it's not gonna get better… Well, guess that depends on how you see it, and who you are and what couples you favour… ok, I'm blowing it here.

Seconds chapter is on the way! Return to see updates, since my stories don't seem to be posted…… =o(

Love, Zierra.

AND PLEASE REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two here! If anyone can explain why my stories aren't posted, I would be eternally grateful. I'd like to know if it's me doing something wrong! 

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I hope you'll continue reading, Redrum… ;o)

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Chapter 2

Squall sighed. This wasn't a very good start. Seifer was painfully right. He hadn't denied it. Why? Because Zell owned a large piece of his heart. 

" Hyne Squall! You've got the get this straight. Either you mourn Zell all alone, or you let him go and be with Seifer. How hard can it be to choose?"

Harder than he'd ever thought.

He decided to go down to the café on the other side of the street to get a little distance to his problems, and get something cold to drink.

He ordered a large ice-tea, asking the waitress to spike it with some vodka. 

Esthar was very lively in the summer. Tourists from everywhere was walking by, souvenir-shopping, in shorts and t-shirts with "I love Esthar" printed on them. And the sun was shining mercilessly, long ago teaching Squall to wear shorts.

His drink was served and the heat made the water vaporise.

Something, he couldn't say what not even under torture, made him look towards the beach, made him rest his eyes on one person. The hand with the glass froze halfway to his mouth and he blocked out everything around him. He didn't notice the hot gust of wind that brought sand to the café. He didn't notice how his hand lost the grip of the moist glass and it spilled into his lap. He didn't even notice the glass breaking against the cement.

Zell was leaning against a palm tree, hands casually tucked in his back pockets, gazing at him with his head slightly tilted forward. Squall almost forgot to breath. 

" He's back!"

But the happiness of seeing his long lost lover standing not far from him soon faded. What if this was just another trick of his imagination, what if it was the heat, playing with his mind?

Zell straightened and walked over to Squall, and standing close enough to touch, Squall had no doubts that it was really him.

" Hi Squall. Can I sit down?"

Hearing his voice… Squall just nodded.

" Imagine seeing you here. I never would have guessed. You look nice."

There was so much to say, but Squall couldn't think of one single thing to say, except for the one thing he had been dreaming, thinking, longing and loving for the passed two years.

" Zell."

He smiled, that beautiful smile that had always made Squalls body tingle, and leant his elbows against the table.

" Yes, Squall. It's me. You seem a little surprised…"

" No shit", Squall whispered, making Zell laugh.

" We have a lot to talk about, don't we, Squall?"  
" Yes."

" Let's go somewhere else." 

Seifer regretted his outburst at the hotel. He had no excuse for lashing out at Squall like that. His boyfriend was hurting, and he did nothing to ease the pain. Just adding more pressure. He needed to be more understanding. More patient.

As he made his way back to the hotel, walking along the beach, he thought of different ways to make Squall forgive him. Candlelight dinner. Massage. A shower. Every option off course ending in hot and steamy sex.

Just as he spotted the hotel, he saw Squall come walking at the boardwalk a little higher up. He was walking with someone. Seifer decided to follow, just to check who this person was. He didn't like the idea of Squall walking of with some stranger.

The two walked slowly, obviously deeply involved with a conversation. And the closer Seifer got, the harder the knot in his stomach got. That person Squall was walking with…he was dangerously resembling… Zell. Blond hair, although longer than what Seifer remembered, the same height, the same body shape, the same kind of lazy stride the martial artist used. 

With a heart hammering against his chest, Seifer advanced further. The blond guy suddenly turned towards Squall, making Seifer stop dead in his tracks, ignoring the curses he received. On the left side of his face, the guy had had the same tattoo that adorned Zells face. Too many coincidences….

" Hyne" he breathed through his teeth. " Have I lost you now, Squall?"

"… So after I was hit, I don't remember much. Not until I woke up at the hospital in Dollet. They kept me there for a few months. Apparently I'd been hit pretty bad. I still can't use my right arm properly, but it's progressing. And when the released me…  
They were sitting on a cliff, seeing nothing but ocean. The perfect place to talk serious.

"… I returned to Balamb. I… stayed a while with my mother, so she could get used to the fact that I was still alive. I… tried to … contact you…several times. But…things…always got in the way. And…then I heard about you and…Seifer. And I didn't want to interfere. You'd hurt enough."  
" If have any idea how much I've been suffering for not having you around… Hyne! Sometimes I've been so close to…kill myself… just to make the pain go away. And maybe get the chance to see you. I've missed you something crazy…"  
" I know. But you've moved on. You love Seifer. I'm happy….

" No. I don't love Seifer near half as much as I love you."

" Squall…"

" I still feel your breath on my neck, I still hear you voice in my head. I can't forget you Zell, not after spending so many nights together with you. Not after sharing that love. It doesn't go a day that I don't see something that remind me of you. The pain fades, but the memories… they don't. They last, and nothing can erase them. Not even Seifer. I hoped he could, but I soon realized different. He can't change my past, no one can. And you being gone, my past was back to being a hell. And I realized, that the only person that could make all those memories pleasurable again, is the one I spend them with. You."

" That's what you think, Squall. Have you ever really tried to live without me? And I mean, REALLY TRIED? I didn't think so. You've been holding on too tight. I see it in your eyes, that you're happy, Squall."

" You…make it sound like… you're…not… That you're breaking up with me."

Zell swallowed, sighed, licked and bit his lip before sighing again, turning towards Squall. He reached inside his shirt and pulled out the necklace Squall had given him on the day of his departure. He held it by the chain, letting the sunlight reflect off of it, on occasion blinding Squall.

" You said, that as long as we are together, it would be mine. So now I'm giving it back. We're not together, so it's not mine." Zell always stated the obvious, to avoid confusion. Squall felt his entire world chatter, and it was with force he managed to speak,

" Zell. It was meant to remind you of my love for you. It hasn't faded, so the necklace is still yours."

" But I don't want it." There was no way Squall could handle what he thought would come.

" Why?" His voice came out as a whisper, broken by a restrained sob.

" Because of what you just said. It reminds me of you. And I can't wear it, knowing that you're with him." There was something in Zells voice that made Squalls heart beat faster. Zell was not about to tell him he didn't love him anymore.

" I'll leave him, Zell. Just tell me to, and I'll leave him."  
" No. You're happy with him. I've seen you. Happier than you ever were with me. I want you to be happy Squall. That's all I've ever wanted."  
" I can't be happy without you Zell."

The tears trailed down his cheeks, making Squalls vision blurry.  
" Don't lie to me Squall. I can see it in your eyes, remember. I wish both of you all the happiness in the world. I won't interfere with your lives again, so I need to cut off all the things that bonds us together. Good-bye."

He was about to rise, when Squall took a hold of his arm, forcing him down again.

" Sit, Zell. You haven't really let me speak my mind."

Zell sighed.

" Don't do this to me Squall."  
" The day you "died", a part of me died too. The part that makes me whole. That completes me. There wasn't anything in this world that could justify or explain why it had to happen to you. And there was definitely nothing that could make me forget about you. Hyne knows I've tried. But every time I think I've finally managed to move on, even the slightest, there's the memory of you, your face, your smile, you wonderful blue eyes. If I'd known it would hurt so bad to loose you, I'd never have let myself love you. But you made me. You made me love you, and I'm glad you did. You're the single best thing that's ever happened to me, Zell. And I'm sorry, I just…can't let you go."

" Please Squall." Zells tears had broken the boundaries that held them back, and he cried. " You have to."  
" Why?"

" Seifer. He loves you, so much. And I can't do to him…. I can't hurt him, the way I've been hurting. It's not fair."  
" So you're making me hurt instead?"

" No. Seifer can make you happy."  
" I don't want him to. I want _you_ to make me happy."

With a gentle, trembling hand, Zell tried to wipe away Squalls tears.

" Don't cry for me, Squall. I can't stand your tears. Especially when they are for me."  
" Zell. I've wanted you back for the last two years. There's no way that I can be happy with Seifer, knowing that you're alive, but not with me. If you want me to stop…" His tears returned with heavier artillery. " you have to tell me you don't love me."

" Squall."

Zells voice was pleading, his tears now falling uncontrollably.  
" Tell me, or I'm not giving up on you."  
" For your own sake… I don't love you anymore, Squall. I'm sorry…."  
And with that, Zell got up and ran away.

Squall sat on that cliff, alone. His mind completely empty, just as his heart. 

" I can't live without you, Zell. Everything is…worthless…without you."

He got up, and as he neared the edge, he had no doubts.

Seifer couldn't stop his foot from tapping the leg of the table in front of him. He'd received a call from the hospital three hours ago, and they still hadn't let him see Squall.

" Don't die. Don't die. Don't die. Don't…"  
" Seifer Almasy?"

Even if he'd had a rocket strapped on his back, he couldn't have gotten up faster.

" Yes?"

" We have him stabilised. He's unconscious, but you can go see him if you want."  
Seifer was already half way through the door.

Squall was lying so helpless in one of the beds. Of his normally so strong exterior there was no trace. Slowly Seifer made his way across the floor, as if any sudden movements could change Squalls health. Carefully he sat down by the bed, taking his lovers hand in his, caressing it softly.  
" Hey baby. I've been so worried about you."

He had no idea how to continue. He didn't want to mention Zell. Out of fear. Fear of Squalls reaction, and of his own.

" You really scared me…" The tears were forming in his eyes, unstoppable. His lover had tried to kill himself, and he hadn't been enough to stop him from going through with it. It hurt. And suddenly his hurt overshadowed his worries for Squalls well being.

" Why Squall?" he sobbed. " Why did you do this to me?" He leant his forehead against the bed and just let his tears flow. There was so much he wanted to say, but couldn't verbalize. He'd never had any self-esteem to speak of, and when Squall had confessed what he felt, agreeing on a relationship, he'd been the king of the world. And now he'd found out that he had just been some kind of substitute for something so much better. He wasn't sure what to make of that, it could be sort of a compliment. That he was good enough to replace Zell in somehow. But it could also be the ultimate insult. Just something to ease the hunger a bit, the sorrow. A toy. A thing.

" Excuse me, sir. I'm just here to check on Mr Leonhart."

The nurse had sneaked in soundless and Seifer flew to his feet.

" Eh, sure… Off course", he stammered. " Should I…?" He said, pointing to the door, quickly wiping his tears. This was really embarrassing. The nurse smiled and shook her head.

" No, you can stay. I just have to check his vitals." 

Seifer nodded and slowly sat down again, looking sadly at Squall while the nurse pushed some buttons on the machine beside the bed.

" Is he your boyfriend?" she asked casually. 

" Eh…" Seifer scratched the back of his neck, blushing something fierce.

" It's ok, I'm gay too. My girlfriend works here also."

He nodded, smiling nervously. This was not a good day.

" Could you do me a favour?" The nurse asked, putting some devices on Squalls forehead.

" What?"  
" Talk to him. I need to check his brain function."

" Sure… But what should I say?"

" Something you know he'll react to. Talk to him about his favorite thing."

The shadows closed on Seifers heart when he instantly knew what to talk about.   
" Easy."  
" Good. You can look at this monitor. When the line reaches over this red mark here, it's a 98% chance he'll wake up."  
" Ok."  
" You can see it reacts to your voice too." There was something in her voice, something hesitant, weary and Seifer picked up the hint. It wasn't enough. Squalls own boyfriend couldn't bring him back to the living.

" You can start."  
" Squall ", he said, voice broken. " You want to see… Zell?" Instantly the line on the monitor shut towards the red mark, and the nurse jumped at the sudden and dramatic reaction. 

" Who is… Zell?" She asked, and the line jumped again.

" His… ex-boyfriend. The reason he jumped off that cliff." 

The nurse nodded thoughtfully, but there was nothing disgusted in her features. 

" They recently broke up?"

Seifer shook his head.

" No, he was M.I.A, considered dead. Squall was devastated. It was two years ago, but I don't think he ever got over it. Never wanted to. We meet him here yesterday. Or Squall did. I don't know what happened, but they walked off, and the next thing I know, Squall lies here. "

A small frown appeared on the nurses face.  
" Do you think… Zell… would have reasons to be mad at Squall?"  
" Yes, he started to date me but…. Wait, you mean… NO! No, Zell did not do this! He might have caused it, but there is no way he could have pushed Squall. It's unthinkable. Squall's VERY capable to take care of himself, we're all trained mercenaries…."  
" Calm down! I just asked. You convinced me by "no", ok?" Seifers breath returned to normal rhythm, and he leant back into the chair.

" I've notice, during our conversation, that Squalls brain have been very active, and at some point almost touched the red line. You noticed the shift in his face?"  
Unwillingly, Seifer shook his head. Truth to be told, he hadn't paid much attention to Squall.

" I think… If we were to bring this Zell here, he might… I believe that… there's a strong possibility that he might wake up."

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I hate cliff-hangers as much as anyone else, but I have to cut the story somewhere! Apologize. To compensate, I'll make a sacred promise to post the third chapter (and last) VERY soon!

Love, Zierra!

And, PLEASE!!!!!!! You who find this story, hidden in the unspeakable depths of this website, leave your endless footprints noted! In other words, the author begs you to review!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Last chapter here! Must say I'm very proud of this story! Don't know why really, I just am… =o) Anyway, have unfinished stories lying here at home, that I might put to use someday. 

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PS: In my opinion, this is the best chapter!!!!! Not because of the content, but because of what it says. With the words I mean… Ok, I'm confusing you! Read on!!!!!

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Third and final chapter

Zell was sitting at the beach, looking out over the clear, calm ocean, wishing his thoughts and insides were the same. He had been fighting a guilty conscience, a lonely mind and a broken heart. Saying those words to Squall had been killing him, but it had to be done. It wasn't fair that another lover was taken from Squall. Once was enough, and obviously Seifer loved Squall, just as much as he had done, so Squall would never be out of love. And the lion needed it bad. Zells own unhappiness was a small price to pay for the happiness of Squall.

" Zell", a deep, masculine voice addressed him. He looked up.

" Seifer… Listen…"  
" No, you listen. I need you to come with me, it's about Squall."

" Seifer, me and Squall are through. Please, it hard for me as it is."  
" It's hard for Squall too. Did you know he tried to commit suicide? I don't know the details, but I know that you do. He's in a coma at the hospital, and for some reason, you might be his only chance to wake up… ever."

Zell just sat there, mind blank. It took a while for him to process all the words, and to understand the meaning of them. Squall tried to kill himself because of what had happened? Why?

" How?" he whispered.

" He jumped of a cliff."  
A sharp intake of breath, and Zell replayed the entire previous incident, entitled "The Break-up".

" Where?"

" The Esthar Point." Where he'd left him.

" Seifer… I don't know…"  
" Damn it Zell! Think about Squall! He needs you! Now get your ass out of the sand and move it to the hospital!"  
" Fine! But there's no way this will make me take what I said back."  
" Fine. Just go."  


The massive darkness around him wasn't frightening. Squall welcomed it. The darkness made him forget. He didn't remember what, but there was something outside of that darkness that he didn't want to remember. Well, sort of. Suddenly there was a flash of light in the darkness and it surprised him. It was supposed to be dark, he'd chosen it. Suddenly it flashed again. It was something familiar with the flashes.

Suddenly the flashes became stronger but they had changed. They were familiar too, more familiar, but they where different. And sometimes they where mixed with the other flashes. It confused him. Why was it like this.

Suddenly one flash brightened up everything and an image appeared. It was smothered, like a water painting, but it was obvious it was a person. That person filled him with warmth and he felt how the darkness around him eased.

Seifer led the nervous Zell into the room. The boy had tried to wriggle out of this once more, but Seifer had just continued to persist, and the martial artist finally agreed.

Squall was still in his bed, a lot of wires attached to his temples, wrists and the skin above the aorta.

" Oh, you must be Zell", the nurse said, the same one as when Seifer was there before. Beside her stood a tall doctor, carefully eying the monitor by Squalls side. When they entered he turned, giving him and Zell the same observing gaze. The gaze from a man that missed nothing, or it would mean death of another human. Somehow he made Seifer uncomfortable.

" Which one of you are Zell?" he asked. Eyes neutral, unaffected, sterile.

A shivering hand was raised, and Zell stepped forward. 

" I am."  
The monitor started beeping, and the line made a steep curve upwards, touching the red line. Squall took a deep breath. 

" That's what I thought. Would you please come and stand here by the bed." A question demanded to be obeyed. And it was.

For each step Zell took, the beep from the monitor increased and the line jumped to the red line in their rhythm. 

" He knows you're here." 

Zells eyes darted around the room, obviously uncomfortable by being the centre of attention.

" Talk to him, would you please. About the weather."

With a frown Zell made a move towards the chair, but the doctor stopped him.  
" Not yet. Try it standing a bit away from him."  
" Eh… Hi Squall. It's nice weather out today, don't you agree? All that sunshine, it can really make you see things, can't it."  
" Good, now talk about something more personal, but stay were you are."  
" Well… I can't… Seifer?"

He turned towards Seifer, and his eyes were pleading. A part of Seifer was glad that he wasn't being put through this.

" Talk about how the two of you met."

Zell nodded, asking the floor for the memories.

" Do you remember Squall? It was in January, two years ago. It was during a mission and we finished early, so we had two days to wait for our ride home. During that time, I got the fever. A real high one, so I don't remember much, but I remember that I woke up one morning, seeing you, and you gently stroke my hair back. " I was so worried about you", you whispered, and you touched my face, kissed me…"  
Tears started to stream down Zell face, unconsciously, and Seifers heart ached with compassion. Suddenly Zell turned around.

" I'm sorry, I can't do this."  
" Zell, you have to", Seifer walked over to him, grabbing his shoulder. " Damn it, Zell! Can't you see how close you are to waking him up? That line has touched the red mark many times. If someone can wake him up, it's you. Now you're gonna do this, for his, mine AND your sake!"  
Zell glared up him, but his anger faked. Zells eyes had always been the mirror of his feelings. And now they were torn.

" Please."

He nodded, finally, walking back to the bed.

" Stand a little closer this time, am keep it personal."  
This time the subject came easier. Apparently the fact that he'd shared so much already made him forget the embarrassment. 

" Our first date, unofficial, was at the Garden Terrace. You'd ordered dinner from my favorite restaurant and lit candles everywhere. I couldn't even believe that you remembered when I told you that. Anyway, as we sat there…"  
There was a long pause in the story, and Seifer realized that Zell was crying again. To his own horror, Seifer realized he did the same. 

" As we sat there, it was the first time you told me that you…"

The line was practically dancing at the red mark.

" It's like he's waiting for something…"

Zell nodded slowly, knowing what words it was Squall wanted to hear.

" I'm sorry Squall, I can't say it to you."  
His eyes was now overflowing with tears, making his shoulders shake. Something inside Seifer wanted to go over to Zell, comfort him, but knew that if he did, Zell wouldn't feel forced to say the words. He had an idea of which they were.

" I just can't", he continued, trying to convince both himself and everyone around him, and maybe most especially, Squall. " If I tell you, I won't ever be able to let you go… And for both of us, I have to do that."  
Seifers heart sank deeper, now when he had his suspicions confirmed. This would be a rough ride for everyone involved. And he feared that he'd be the one leaving the ship first…alone.

" Tell him Zell. Bring him back."

" Fine!" his voice was high, and broken with sobs. " Fine, but it'll just hurt him."

A deep breath later it was out in the air, and the line came above the red mark.

" Squall, I love you."

The darkness around him cleared, and everything suddenly turned light blue. A color he knew well.

" Zell?"

He was aware of things now. He felt the presence of people. And the presence of the person he'd seen and just named. He said the name again.

" Zell?"

" I'm here Squall."  
It felt…light, for Squall. Like something had been lifted off of him. Like a puzzle finally had been finished. And the image was clearly laying in front of him.

" Zell."  
" Yes, Squall. And Seifer's here too."

His eyes tore away from Zells, and behind him stood that other familiar light.

" Seifer."

" Yeah. Someone must look after you, right?"

Squall smiled weakly. There was something painful too, about seeing Zell there, but he couldn't really remember.

" I just need to run a few tests on you, Mr Leonhart. And I need to ask you two to wait outside for a moment. You can see him again afterwards. I'll let you know."

And with that, Zell and Seifer left the room, leaving Squall with a swirl of emotions in a hospital bed, with a splitting headache and a broken heart.

Zell sat down in one of the chairs outside in the corridor. Everything felt so wrong, somehow. Seifer sat down beside him, offering silent support, the kind that meant the most to Zell. But he needed to speak.

" Seifer, I have to leave. I've just confused him more now. He might not remember why he woke up, but he'll have a clue. And… Seifer, it's not fair."

" To whom?"  
" Well, for starters, to you! I mean, you're his boyfriend now. To him, it's not fair to take two lovers from him. He needs to live a stable life. Nor to me. It hurts too much."

" Zell", Seifer began, voice low, serious. " How do you feel about Squall, and remember, it's me you're talking to. I'm not gonna run in there and tell him…"

"…"

" Well?"  
" I love him very much, Seifer." Why deny the obvious?

" Do you love him as much as he obviously loves you?"

" More."

" Then you're right. It is unfair. But not for the reasons you present. It's unfair, because Squall is denied his true love, the only love that can make him truly happy. Unfair to me, because I have to live with the knowledge that I'm second best. And to you, who need to suppress your feelings. Your strong feelings. And not to mention that the entire situation is unhealthy to all of us. Just look at the man in there. If you love him as much as you say you do, make sure you show it to him. Let him know. As you said, he needs to be loved, and only the one that loves him the most, can love him the best."

Zell hung his head. He knew it was true. And he wanted it to be.

" All right. But Seifer… Don't leave. You were Squalls best friend. Don't let him loose that too."  
" I won't."

The door to Squalls room opened and the doctor came out.

" The tests are done, you can go in and see him now. But I strongly request you to advise him to take some therapy. It was a rather shocking experience to him."

And with that, the doctor walked away, on his way to saving someone elses life.

Squall turned to the door as it opened, smiling to Zell as he entered.

" I was hoping it was you."

" How are you feeling?"  
" Reckless. Stupid. Fine." He smiled again and Zell sat down by the bed, taking Squalls hands.

" Listen, I've been thinking, and I might have been a little quick to judge. I don't know if you can forgive me what happened, but I'm willing to try, if you are. And we'll take it your pace, I won't rush you. Just take it slow and…

" Zell? Please, shut up and let me talk for a moment. I heard every word you said to me before, I recently remembered them. I can't believe that you remember that "incident" as we called it, on that mission. Hyne, I was so scared that you'd die. And a year later, you go and die on me. Sort of."  
" I guess we're even now then. You also died on me there a while."

" I just want to tell you something. You could have ordered me to wake up, and I would. But you just had to go and say the words that would heal me so completely. I love you too, Zell. And I'll never stop. To the day I die, and even longer than that."

" You better, Squall Leonhart, or I'll kill you personally."  
There was a few moments of silence when the words slowly etched themselves into their memories.

" Zell, I want you to have something."  
" What?"

" Look in the top drawer."

Zell turned, pulling out the drawer, smiling when he saw the single item that habited it.  
" Griever."  
" Yes. I saved it, just in case you came to your senses. It means what it meant when I gave it to you the first time.

" Undying love?"

" Forever and always."

" Squall?"  
" Yes?"  
" Hyne, I love you!"

Four weeks later, Squall was released from the hospital. With only a fractured wrist he was good and ready to go home. Zell had picked up his things from where he'd been staying in Esthar and went back to Balamb with him and Seifer. 

There was a lot of commotion when they arrived, their fearless leader injured and the long lost jack-ass finally returned. When everything calmed down, and life returned to normal, Squalls mind returned to Seifer. How was he now? The decision to go see him was made when he was eating his lunch.

" Seifer?"

Seifer looked up. He'd been sitting by the fountain outside of Gardens dormitories, eating a sandwich. 

" Yes?"  
" I… wanted to talk to you."  
" About?"  
" Well… us."

" Us?"

" Ex-us. I want to know how you're dealing with it."

" I'm fine. I'm glad to see you so happy."  
" So am I. But…I've just been wondering… This gotta be very hard for you Seifer. And know it would be for me. So I'm asking again. How are you?"

" Truth to be told… awful. I really love you Squall. But it's just been a few weeks. These things take time. You yourself told me so. I'll be back to my usual obnoxious self in no time."  
" You sure?"  
" You wanna bet?"  
" No. I trust you. But if there's anything you want to talk about. I'm here for you."  
" Thanks."

As Squall left, Seifer sat staring after him for a while.  
" I wish I could tell you everything that I feel, Lion. But it will only hurt you. You've been through enough. Time probably will heal my scars, and ease the pain. But I can't stay here for that to happen. I'll always love you. Near or far."

The next day, Seifer was missing. There was a note in his room, asking everyone not to worry, that he was fine and just needed to get away. Squall was devastated, thinking everything was his fault. Zell had similar thoughts, but knew Seifer well enough to know that the stubborn man would live on, somewhere else. Happy without the knowledge of him and Squall. And it was only fair. Squall would learn to see that.

And one day, when Squall was ready for it, Zell would tell him about the clue that Seifer had left on the TV. It was a picture, of all three of them together on the white beach in Dollet, taken only two weeks before. On it it was written; See you when the tides go high. Heaven is not out of reach."

Seifer was living in Dollet, and once every year, when the tides go high, the time of Zell and Squalls anniversary, he'd be sitting on the beach if they were interested in visiting.

Looking into the horizon, Zell smiled.

" When the tides go high, Seifer Almasy."

The end

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This story was completed at ten past twelve a school night, and has been re-written numerous times, but without any major changes. Hopefully you have enjoyed the story, and will continue to spy on me for updates! Somehow my stories doesn't get posted anymore, and I have no idea how you who reads this found it. You have better "luck" than me!

Thanx for reading!!

// Zierra


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